Brilliantly... er, hopelessly flawed?

I spent some time yesterday reading through some of Nattie's blog archives. If it wasn't in a typed format, I could almost picture that she had drawn little doodles about her personality types, sketched pictures of herself... of her kids; shared bits and pieces of thoughts and ideas that would be sort of haphazardly inked on graph paper - no real rhyme or reason. Each individual piece seeming somewhat insignificant and awkward. But the whole? Wow. The Whole. The slow unfolding of each thought... the painful vulnerability of the account of the events of her life... the grace that links them all together. With her gone, it is a breathtaking tapestry that I can log-on to and study in fine detail any time I want to. A small piece of her finite-being left to tide us over until we can hang out together in Glory.

Anyway. Going through those archives prompted me to go through mine. Why didn't y'all tell me I'm such a whiny-ass punk? Ohhhh sure, there are moments every now and then when I have a glimmer of clarity, and what I WANT to say is actually communicated without my words getting in the way. I love it when that happens.

Lately though, I've felt this mounting pressure to only write things "worth" writing about, and only sharing those brief insights of brilliantly flawed revelations. That's why I haven't been around much lately, because I haven't had any brief (or otherwise) insights of brilliantly flawed revelations. I have been quick (and possibly wrong?) to believe it wasn't worth my time (or yours) to tell you about how I painted my fingernails black this week, and it's made me feel all cool and confident. Or that I ran into this guy today that I've been secretly harboring a crush for and he seems to be content with just knowing my name. Or how my Godson will be celebrating his 1 year anniversary of life on this planet on the  28th, and I couldn't be prouder of him or his Mama. Or how I typically wear a size 8 shoe, and the 7 1/2's that I'm wearing are WAY too big, but that I think it's not really that my feet have become smaller - rather it's a CONSPIRACY mounted by the shoe companies around the world to label bigger shoes with smaller sizes so as to TRICK consumers into a false sense of CONFIDENCE so as to boost sales, and rob us all blind. BLIND!

Ah, the minutia. See what you've been missing out on? I've weighed too heavily my choice of "To blog, or not to blog?" Over-thinking has always been my biggest foe, and I feel that it has done me a disservice by tricking me into believing that the MAJOR things are some how more important than the minors. Truth is, my life consists of a whole BUNCH of minors, and maybe one day I'll look back and see that it was all culminating into something MAJOR.

*shrugs* Who knows?

Basically what I'm trying to say is: "Dear Sara, yes - you're flawed. HOPELESSLY so. Embrace it. Give it milk and cookies and send it off to bed. It IS actually acceptable for you to write about the small stuff. Ok? So get over yourself."

The End.

Comments

[Amy Jo]

it's not just the shoe companies, it's the jeans companies too, you know. *nods*

[Angela Klocke]

Though I don't have longterm archives on my blog, I do have every entry I've ever written, and man oh man do I want to take so many of them back. On the other hand, revealing my belly (insecurities) is what endears readers to me, I think, and to you...!

[Betty]

Holy Cow. YOU ROCK. Even in minutia. Really. Ah. that's it. REALITY. You are real. Good. Bad. Ugly. We want to read it all! And I'm not just saying it because I'm your Mother.

[Stacey]

Loved this. Now, live it!

[MichelleD]

::Stands up and cheers::

Love you, girlie!
Twinkling,
Michelle